Blogging Corrupts How People Perceive You

Writing a blog has innumerable benefits and byproducts, which I will attempt to numerate below: 

   1. Outstanding pay

   2. The jealousy of all your friends (who have been meaning to write, but haven't got around to it yet).

   3. Dealing with internet lice (website spam from developing & third world nations).  

   4. Offending people who will never have the moxie to verbalize it (but who secretly judge you now). 

   5. Being so honest (in a one-sided relationship), that people feel like they now know you intimately.  

Swan diving into my own gold coin collection has added
to my delusions of grandeur.  

Some of these aforementioned points create strains on the blogger's real world relationships (when we take a break from swimming in our McDuck-ian money bins to commiserate with the plebeians).  

Allow me to elaborate.  

The other day I was talking to co-workers about a student who has plans on becoming a teacher. I pointed out that the student is going to have to give up her "God-complex" of superiority before she would truly be effective, when another co-worker blurt interjected, "Just like you do, Chris."  

I held back the urge to smite, and played it off like a joke, when it clearly wasn't. I went home and self-reflected. Do I really have a God-complex?  

From Wikipedia: A god complex is an unshakable belief characterized by consistently inflated feelings of personal ability, privilege, or infallibility. A person with a god complex may refuse to admit the possibility of their error or failure, even in the face of complex or intractable problems or difficult or impossible tasks, or may regard their personal opinions as unquestionably correct.The individual may disregard the rules of society and require special consideration or privileges.

Ouch. In other words, I'm a know-it-all asshole.

Some people are okay with that label. I'm not. I don't want to be God, but I do want to do his business. Being an arrogant prick isn't going to help either of our images.

Part of reason I think this person verbally vomited on me (my go-to phrase when somebody lashes out in words), is because she has access to this blog. She has read, and maybe misinterpreted my humor; took my temporal opinions as my life philosophies; caught some grammatical errors and interpreted it as ineptitude; etc.  

In other words, I, a guy who doesn't like over-thinking sentiment was jumping to conclusions.

I've been blogging so long, I think I've used this image before.  

Thankfully, my divine rationality returned, and I was able to let it go. Let it go. Let it go. Can't hold it back anymore... (Dang you Frozen for being released on DVD today!).

Blogging is so one sided, that even though I only reveal 80% of who I am on here (the rest is reserved for interpersonal reality), it is still so much more than most people ever divulge. I have stories to tell and I'm not afraid of my stories or my sordid past. They are a part of me, but they don't define me. I'd like to think of myself as the Sun, always morphing, changing, growing, intensifying (God, I do have a God complex).

Anyway, my perceived openness inspired a younger fan to start a blog and share. Over-share. There was nothing wrong with this person's writing, other than he/she disclosed EVERYTHING. Personal things. Valuable things. Save some. Save some for yourself. I know the internet tells you that the key to being discovered is to expose yourself, but it's wrong. That's exploitation. The internet wants to use you. Disrobe you. Remember to keep yourself clothed. It reminds me of a quote about essays:

"A good essay should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest,"--Winston Churchill 

Cats are sick, sick, people.  

Blogging, in reality, is voyeurism by the reader into the writer's life. Just don't look too closely in my windows, you wouldn't want to see me in a mini-skirt (I save that for my wife). And if you read that last sentence as evidence that I am a cross-dresser, you really don't know my humor at all.

So stop reading so much into what I write on here. This isn't reality, it's the internet. Besides, I'm only doing this blog for the money (and the God-like power).

And because this blog is all over the place and random, I would like to think it's because God has made me beautifully complex (rather than me having a God complex).

Psalm 139: 14-16: I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

Suicides, Scandals, and Sex: Can the Church Handle Real Issues?

Earlier this week, Rick Warren, one of the most influential Evangelical Christian leaders alive today, received the worst news possible: His son was dead. By his own hands.

As the news broke to his disbelieving followers, the internet message boards became filled with condolences and empathetic prayers. Nobody wins with suicide. It's the curse that keeps on stealing. To make the unthinkable worse, the theistic elitists and atheistic sewer dwellers creeped out of their hellholes to cast accusations and damnations towards the Warren family. Classy.

As if the war for souls is going to be won over the corpse of an imbalanced boy.

Why is it so hard for the world, those saved and those secular, to understand the humanity of a tragedy?  The death of a prominent Christian leader's son is not a victory for atheism, nor is it evidence that Warren was not walking the straight and narrow...his son simply lost a battle with himself.

What spiritual warfare feels like.  

There is no guarantee as a Christian that by giving your life over to a faith or a calling, that God will pave your roads in gold, and make your existence easy.  Growing up with a minister for a father, I can attest that the opposite is more likely to be true.  Only those who've ever invested a life in a ministry can tell you that for all the glory of God being seen, there is also a nasty flip-side called "spiritual warfare" that takes its toll on bodies, minds, marriages, finances, friendships, children, etc.  I'm sure Mr. Warren had experienced differing levels of spiritual conflict before this week.  I'm not sure anyone should have to endure what he's experiencing right now. I hope he takes a long break. I hope he screams at God.  I hope he wails, and seeks answers from God, and surrounds himself with loved ones who will not judge.

But what do I know? I've never experienced pain on that scale.  I have no idea what he needs physically or spiritually; but I know he doesn't need Monday morning quarterbacks questioning his motives or gleefully pronouncing his failure.

But that's one of the problems with churches and Christianity today: dealing with issues like suicide that were once easier swept under the rug.

The second of my Christian Outlet Bookstore
appropriate Historical Romances.  

I was on the phone this week with a prominent Christian publishing company, and the representative on the other side was praising the first chapter of my novel.  "This is exactly what the book market, not just Christian publishing, needs right now..." After twenty minutes on the phone I felt she was ready to bypass the normal protocols and offer me a contract right then and there.

But then we got into the nitty-gritty. She started telling me about their editorial standards. That there are certain "taboo" subjects that no matter the writing quality, the ultimate outcome, the message;  if certain words or certain "acts" are mentioned, they reject the project immediately (or demand heavy edits).

I mentioned that one of the characters in my novel has "relations" with his long time girlfriend...a decision that nearly destroys both characters and is essential to the plot.

"Oh...that changes everything; yeah, they probably...no, they wouldn't publish it. No pre-marital sex is allowed in our books."

Really?  I mean, I know the importance of purity and the sanctity of intimacy, but isn't premarital sex nearly as rampant between believers as it is with non-believers?  Isn't there divorce and infidelity and sexual dysfunction and sexual addiction and drug addiction and mental instability and suicide and immorality and a myriad of other "problems" happening to Christians, all the while churches are  turning a blind eye towards these issues?

Because "ignoring" reality; ignoring the fallenness of this world; ignoring human nature and sin, and pretending that everything is hunky dory is obviously working so well for church numbers and believer's souls in this day and age.

 So RIP Matthew Warren.  Hopefully you find the peace that you didn't find in this world.  And to Rick Warren: we don't need any statements. Grieve in peace, and don't feel the need to respond to critics.

One of these days, Christians, desperate to speak relevancy to a hurting world, will reject the mass marketing system of watered down Christianese, and start to say something REAL to the world again.

No Easter Service? What's an Uncommitted Pew Sitter To Do?

...And you will find that the sermon of
the most frivolous and least religious...
is always the longest and most relentlessly
pious...Homely truth is unpalatable.
-- Mark Twain (Tom Sawyer)

I rose from the grave bed yesterday and realized that all my Easter day plans had fallen through. Our somewhat-attended church is feeding the homeless, (a very Christ-like, but not traditional, Sunday experience) and well, it just feels odd. I have the utmost respect for those that go out into the dark underbellies of our cities to nourish the souls of the forgotten flock: those so far outside normal society that we pretend don't exists so we can sleep well at night. Yet, noble as the act is, it isn't unlike what I deal with at a low income school on an everyday basis; and it isn't exactly what I want for my little daughters who haven't really experienced the traditions of Easter, yet.

Mostly, this didn't matter because a week earlier my mother asked if I would help her lead worship at a different church that we have connections to from years ago.  It sounded like fun. I don't get to play my guitar much anymore, and Easter usually packs the house; filling those normally sparse aisles with dragged-in agnostic spouses, and Tom Sawyer-ish children who may only experience "church" two or three times a year.

{A note about my family's style of worship--we don't pull punches. We don't play nicely because it's Easter, or Christmas Eve. And if we do decide to put a hymn into the mix, I can guarantee it will have a two minute musical interlude that might include an acid-electric ebow guitar lead or an eclectic ukulele strum by my sister. We like to call it, spirit-led worship.}

Long story short, the worship gig fell through as well, leaving me with nowhere to go for Easter.

Only G.O.T. fans will get this.  

Which means the only thing on my Sunday agenda is the Game of Thrones season 3 premiere on HBO; a wholly unholy event that I have been hedonistically looking forward to. I'm not judging myself for wanting to see the show, it just feels unjustified now that my uplifting spiritual aspect of the day is no longer possible.  (It IS weird timing on HBO's part). And even though I don't really believe in the religious idea of GUILT, I did feel like a balancing of message immersion was necessary.

So rather than attend a random church that we would probably never visit again, I decided to have church at home, which isn't so strange historically, but feels odd in today's times.  Hundreds of churches would gladly accept my family as visitors, but I'm not good at being a spectator.  I believe in a body of believers, where every person has a calling in the flock, not just the pastor, worship leader, and the guy who gets to hand out the offering plates, but actual spiritual roles in the church. This  organic model of church is more difficult and messier than the big-box business approach to church building with its top down leadership roles. I think modeling churches after business is what is driving people away from churches.  They can sense the inauthenticity before they taste their bland communion wafers (Jesus would never taste like stale rice cakes).  Needless to say, I have a few opinions on churches, so I make for a terrible "visitor."

But I'm also not a good spiritual self-regulator. I don't pray much, often forgetting for weeks at a time how important it is to my well-being.  I don't read the Bible much, either.  I'm not ignorant of the Bible, though--I can quote a few scriptures here and there, and know the general idea of most books of the Bible, but I'm no scholar.

Being frank, though, most people don't need a scholar.  And while I cringe when somebody makes a political absolute on the thinnest Biblical theology, I believe that the majority of people who call themselves "believers," do so because of a spiritual experience, and not because of "sound doctrine."  While I think it is important for a church to be founded and practice Biblical principles, the majority of people who are looking for a church, are wanting real spiritual experiences--with real people.  (Not necessarily like-minded, but authentic people).

In summation--church shouldn't be phony.  If the church is going to be viable in this century, it has to give up the stupid top down leadership role, and allow messy, sinful, diverse, and odd members to not just be pew sitters, but active participants in the church.  Jesus pulled his disciples and followers from the lowest rungs of society and made them Earth shakers.

The Apostle, a surprisingly honest look at life inside
a former phony preacher.   

The world needs Earth shakers, and not the kind who wear $600 suits, went to the top seminary school, and dream of buying a wireless microphone that will never feedback...no, the next generation of "seekers" will not buy into the whitewashed appearance of churches of the past. These college educated masses have become so jaded and skeptical and misinformed and literal and untrusting and sensitive to any message, that if it doesn't sound authentic, or include an unfathomable spiritual experience, they will walk out the door and never return.

And some, desperate for reverence, might end up having church in their home like it was 1876: living in a homestead On the Banks of Plum Creek.

Breaking Up is Hard to Do: Finding Oneself Through Turbulence

Different date, same outcome.  I should start a collection.  

I got a letter yesterday. I've seen it enough times (five in fact) to know what entailed without reading it. It was a layoff notice, the same exact, impersonal, layoff notice I've seen five times from my school district. The last line glazes over my contributions to the students, to the school, to faculty and administration in only the way a form letter can. Nowhere does it acknowledge that I am an individual, rather, just one of many for whom there is no longer a need and/or funding to keep employed.

It hurt the first few times I received the letter. Maybe because there was no administration that came along and said, "You know, Chris, it's not you, it's us. We just have no money."  Or, "This is just a technicality, we'd love you to be a part of the _______ family, you'll just need to reapply next year." --I used to work in the Human Resource Department at Sears, and even in a fortune 500 company (back then), we had a more humane way of handling layoffs, firings, and cutbacks.  Oh well, whatever...

The boys of my wife's Cuckoo's Nest play in 2011.  

I guess in the "real world," we're supposed to realize that it's all just numbers and dollar signs, and I'm just a replaceable cog to the machinery known as education. Just a piece of the combine, that Chief so elaborated on, in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.  I can be plugged in, pulled out, reformatted, melted down, repurposed, recycled, or tossed out, with no emotional impact to my personage.

And sadly, that's becoming true. I don't really care anymore. It doesn't hurt so much. I'm jaded, and ready to walk away from the career that I once loved and felt called to do.

Like a long term relationship where "I love you's" were tossed around with future implications, then the relationship sours, and hurtful words replace the "I love you's,"---it seems like time to walk away.

I'm not saying I am walking out on teaching.  I'm saying it reminds me of all my breakups. Breakups where I wasn't okay with the outcomes. You see, I've never broke up with a girl. Not once. They always broke up with me. Oh, sure, there were many times I should've pulled the plug, should've saved some self-respect, but decided to tug desperately at the fissured ends of a broken heart, desperate to pull it back together for one last hurrah.

It never worked. My wife is the only girl/woman who hasn't broken up with me. And now that we have children, a mortgage, and my super unstable paychecks, I've entrenched myself in her future. Self-deprecating aside, and giving her due credit, she is an amazing woman who agrees with me that marriage is a lifetime deal. Surely there are ways of fouling that up, but neither of us intends to go those routes.

She was horseradish.  

And thinking about life in that way makes me lucky. I've been broken up with any manner of ways: from parking lot arguments, to living room couch agreements; to Post-it notes attached to my locker; and being embarrassed in front of my friends; with letters with long explanations, and letters with brief complaints.  I've felt sad, like $#!+, oddly optimistic, mildly depressed, severely depressed, and briefly happy. I've loved and lost, and eventually regained my integrity along the way. And so did the girl. That's the cordiality that humans deserve to give each other.

Not the cold business letters informing us that we are no longer needed. Not the Friday notices that leave us packing our belongings after everyone else has left the building, careful not to "cause a scene." Breaking up with someone, whether that be in a relationship or through a job, should be handled by a human being. This stupid informal age that severing ties with people via cell phones and internet and form letters, is not humanity, it's immaturity. Human beings deserve a "scene." It shouldn't be easy to destroy a part of someone's soul.

But at least my family doesn't treat me that way. Despite the lifetime of breakups and failures, and unreached goals and dreams, my family, my wife, my loved ones, have been unconditionally there for me. Never threatening to take a break, or walk away, if this or that career plan again falls through.

I don't want to burn the place down.  Just tell
me in person what I'm doing wrong.  

And so, instead of feeling sorry for me, which was never the intention of this article, I hope you feel jealous.  Because at the end of my life, I don't give a flying F what I did for a living.  I care that my wife still loves me, my parents are proud of me, that I raised daughters who bring me joy and happiness, and that my God will graciously welcome me to a place where I will never be broken up with again.

And so, if I'm not appreciated in this life, it will be nice to be graciously accepted in the next life.  That's not a childish suicidal statement, rather, a realization that as a person of faith, I'm not living for the acceptance of man, but rather the glorification of Another.  I hope my tragic flaw of pride, doesn't get in the way of my real message of Hope.  I've been hurt a lot in this life, but I refuse to give up Hope, no matter how personal or impersonal the world tells me "you're not good enough."  I know something they don't.

Pastor's Kids Can Smell Hypocrisy A Denomination Away

One year I spent over half my school
shopping money on this jacket.
Who needs undergarments and socks?

Teaching at a low income school district for five plus years has taught me a number of things about human beings, but it has also made even more grateful for the life I was given by my parents.  My parents, unlike many of my students, were always creative with the income coming in, and the necessities going out.  A few times we were downright poor, and other times the word "struggling" would probably fit the bill, however, we as kids never really felt disadvantaged. Not that you'd ever see me with an iPhone growing up, though. The most valuable item my parents bought me year in, year out, was a $40 pair of sneakers (that had to last me the whole year).

Teaching us the value of a dollar was on of their great parenting successes. They were open about most things in their lives, but they never made us feel the pressure of their finances. No matter how much my brother and I whined and cried about needing the G.I.joe Aircraft-carrier, because 

Seeing this photo kind of makes me want the Aircraft
Carrier all over again.  But more, I want to hang out
 with those cool 80s rich kids.  

other kids at our private school had it, they found a way to impart to us that is wasn't necessary (without saying we were acting like spoiled brats or saying they didn't have the money for it). Instead they let us pick out one $3.00 figure the three times a year we were lucky to go to Toys 'R Us.  

"But wait?  Didn't you say you wen't to a private school?  You couldn't be too poor?"  

Oh.  That's because we got free tuition.  You see, I am a PK.  A pastor's kid.  And sometimes these private schools offer free or reduced tuition to ministers, priests (well, hopefully not priests), pastors, etc. of the local area. A pastor's salary isn't much, so my family took advantage of the few perks of being in the ministry, like a private education.  

"Making non-Dutch
kids feel like jerks
since 1910."  

I attended two different private schools for five total years of my life.  A quick comparison of private vs. public schools: private schools gave me a slightly better education (many reasons behind that), the kids at the private schools were generally some of the worst human beings alive, but their in-class behavior was generally better (more respectful of authority).  

Which, not coincidentally, is not unlike their adult counterparts in the church.  

Unlike many PKs, none of my three siblings or I had crazy streaks where we became Barabbas, and tore up the town in our rebellion.  Oh sure, we all had a moment or two, but PKs are notorious for being hellions.  None of us went down that road, and that's a testament to my parents and their parenting.  

Unlike many pastor's kids, there wasn't a hypocrisy around what my father did on Sundays and what he did every other day of the week. You see, while their finances were unknown to us, they were very open with the realities of the church. We were shielded, but aware of, the wolves in sheep's clothing who often held the titles of deacon, or elder, or Senior Pastor inside the church. I've seen some very real, unexplainable supernatural events in a lifetime of faith, and I've seen some very real, unexplainable mendacity and backstabbing in the church.  

"Doc, I think I have a depth perception issue."

The church, like anywhere else, is full of humans.  And to error is human. For some reason we have this theory that when men of God mess up, they are hypocrites, but when an average person does it, they are just being human (and/or sinning).  Conversely, are criminals not hypocrites when they help old people across the road?  

Anyway, growing up in different churches, where my father was esteemed (until it was time to leave), gave me a clear understanding of people, who will love you when times are good, and curse you for the pebble in their shoe. 

I personally have witnessed "men of God," swearing, throwing punches at, and cursing the name of my father. I've also witnessed Hell's Angels bikers weeping on the ground and later hugging my father.  I've seen drug addicts kick the habit in a second. People with maladies healed miraculously, and people get resources they desperately needed.   

And I've seen it all not work. I've seen prayer not succeed. People succumb to disease, despite believers rallying on their side. I went to the hospital today to see a great man of God, Dwight Basom, who wasn't supposed to recover from a bad bout of pneumonia . I called him Grandpa my whole life, as a sign of respect to his beautiful soul.  But I was too late.  He died hours before we got there. My family played 70's worship music at his bedside two nights before, which I heard he really enjoyed.  I, however, didn't get to say goodbye.  

That's reality. Sometimes good people die. My family didn't shield me from death, and sinful nature, and the garbage of people running (and sometimes ruining) the church.  I've seen church splits--been on the inside, and they are nasty affairs.  Like watching a divorced couple divide up the children. I've seen people at their best on their wedding day, and heard them screaming at each other in marriage counseling sessions (through the walls of our home) days before their divorce goes through.  I've seen people lose faith, and seen people find themselves in the church.  I've seen it all.  

And I think it has made me a better person. A better Christian. I don't put my faith in people like ministers, or the worship team, or the church building, or some political ideology or doctrine. I was taught to put my faith in God. And He has done amazing things in my life, and to many people around me,  even if some of the people I know claiming to be followers have done terrible things in his name (including myself at different times). 

A teacher, like a minister, gets to see people at their best and worst. Kids seek our advice on any number of topics and turmoils, and then usually do the opposite of what we say. Then they come back crying about it. It's a dirty business. People. Dealing with people. I sometimes wish I could do some sort of data analysis for the CIA, and never have to interact with humans again.  But not really.  I was raised and called to deal with people.  

If you can't beat 'em, eat 'em -- Cannibals and cake eaters

So I train miniature humans; teenagers--sinners and saints, hypocrites and neophytes, wise men and weirdoes, and hope they make good decisions, so I don't have to deal with the aftermath. Which is probably how my father felt at all those churches he pastored. 

But I'm glad my dad didn't shield me from the dirty side of Christianity, with all its broken human-being pieces, because it has given me a clearer understanding of our fallen nature. And a closer reliance to He who is not human, and hence, perfect.    

Post Non-Apocalypse: We're Still Here? What do I do with all These 55 Gal. Drums?

Personally, the only thing I'm stocking up on is SPF-100.  

A collective groan was heard from depressive sorts everywhere.  Another failed apocalypse left Earth haters kicking rocks.  "Now we have to find some new false promises of destruction to cling to!"  they were heard saying as they unloaded their shotguns. Already, crack-pot archeologists, failed ministers, and a few guys who spent two weeks in Israel are digging up evidence that doesn't align with anything that rational people believe, in an effort to be the next big end-times prophet.  And somehow, they will get people to believe it.

I've never understood the fascination about end times.  Personally, I do believe that the world will end before our own Sun's expansion gobbles it up in some billion years, but as to the when, or how, I have no idea, and I don't care.  I have too much living to do to worry about the random ways I can die.  And if some major event happens, and the world ends, I'm fairly certain I know where I'm going when I die.  If I'm wrong about that, well, who cares, I'm dead, and so are you probably.  So nobody can dance on my grave and say, "What a moron...he chose the wrong faith!"

Michelangelo's Last Judgement (Sistine Chapel). 

Many of my faith, spend hours analyzing things like the book of Revelations, trying to piece together when it will all go down.  As an English teacher, and somebody who loves to investigate complex literature, I have to say that Revelations is a lot like James Joyce's Ulysses.  A hundred people can read it, and come to different conclusions as to what it really means.  Personally, I don't find a lot of joy in that, unless the writing is phenomenal.  And whatever John wrote Revelations, he certainly was no Joyce.

I know some really intelligent, neat people who love End Times theology, and this blog will probably annoy them.  I'm sorry.  But this has to end.  Not the world...but these silly predictions.  It's making us all look like quacks.

I realize that this latest one wasn't a Christian theology.  The Mayans, a people so amazing, that they simply walked away from their civilization and disappeared, predicted this 2012 thing, and many took it hook, line and sinker.  Tons of businesses made a heyday selling them powdered food products that will last years.  Others built fortifications and arsenals stronger than Greenland's military. Billions of dollars went into survivalist goods and services, for a survival that doesn't exist yet (or maybe ever).

Survivalism looked so cool because of movies like Tremors, where
Reba McEntire's character had an arsenal of Elephant guns in her basement

And I'm not going to call those people crazy.  Because I don't think they are.  Just misguided.

You see, I'm a moralist and a Christian.  Even if I didn't have a spiritual connection with my Savior, I still think I would believe in being a good person.  I think most people want to be good people.  We all just have different ideas as to what constitutes a good person.  I do get sad when people around me make bad decisions.  Sometimes I want to shake them, or yell some common sense that their parents didn't, and rarely (sadly), hug them and tell them it will be okay, eventually.

But some moralists and/or Christians are so convinced their morality is the right morality for everyone, they get depressed when the world doesn't look the way their ideals look.  When sin is everywhere, they start getting the urge to build an Ark.  Convinced that God above will look down and say, "Vince, you're the one.  Like Noah, I like your style, and I'm choosing you to be my survivor to re-impregnate the few ladies I found worthy to escape my carnage."  I think there is some innate Vince in all of us.  We all want to be the one with the perfect world-view.  Or we would like to be the only option for the ladies around us.

I always thought I was like the mouse
in this story.  The moral influence of
great men like Ben Franklin.  

Back in my younger days, I thought I could possibly be that type person.  But being older, I realize I would suck at being the genetic material for the rest of humanity.  I don't even want to go caroling with my family this Christmas.  How could I possibly be joyous enough to be God's chosen one.  That's just one of millions of flaws I have.  I think if other moralists/Christians looked truthfully at their own lives, they would find enough faults to re-evalutate their judgment of other's follies.

The good news is that many of us Christians will have ample planks around to build an Ark.  We simply have to pull them from our eyes, for determining that Judgment has to come on this Earth; "I mean, look at all those sinful "specks" in other's eyes, surely God has to smite them for that!"  (with liberties to Matt. 7:5).

Again, I'm no expert about end times.  I've merely "survived" the last four or five major Armageddon dates that have come across the Evangelical circles.  Each time, there appeared to be "evidence" despite the fact that Jesus said in Matt. 24:36, that no man, angel, or even He himself knew the "DAY OR HOUR" when the end will actually come. But, hey, if you think you are higher on the spiritual ladder than angels and Jesus, predict away...someone will misguidedly believe you.

Jesus does say, though, that in the end times, that "because lawlessness is increased, most people's love will grow cold.  But the one who endures to the end, he will be saved."  I don't know if there's enough evidence to say that lawlessness is any worse now across the world than it ever has been, but it does appear that love has grown more cold.  So go ahead and buy your guns (like David Koresh), and stock your shelves full of dehydrated carbohydrates and build yourself fortifications to keep out the zombies or Chinese or whatever it is that survives the tribulations.  As for me, I'm going to try and follow Jesus's advice, and let love endure, despite the atrocities around me.

Cats.  Why'd it have to be cats.  

Of course I believe in my Faith.  But there's also a chance I'm wrong.  So if the end doesn't come via anything Biblical, and it turns out that some newly discovered Egyptian hieroglyph correctly predicts man's downfall, well so be it.  The Egyptians worshiped cats, and cats, thanks to our pop culture, are enjoying a great moment in the Sun (another Egyptian god). If the end comes, and feral cats roam the world attacking wayfaring human survivors... you know what...I'm not finishing that thought.  That's my next book Cat Scratch Fever Fiends.  

Grey Haired Philosophers, Young Idealists, and Real Christians.

Dirty, local, tasty
beer 

Demographically speaking, we are an odd group.  Hollywood, CNN, FoxNews, the Gallop Co., marketers, and anyone from the Census Bureau would have a hard time pin-pointing how we all became friends.  This diverse group meets at local brewpubs and shares drinks, appetizers, discourse on any topic broached, and our souls.  And while we are all men, the only other common denominator to our relationships is our faith in God.

I probably lost some of you there.  I'm sorry.  You're missing out on some real characters.  It's too bad that many readers today instantly lose interest when the idea of religion or faith comes up. I'm sorry your pain from the church, or from religious friends, or from certain aspects of the Bible you find offensive have closed you off from ever giving God-based topics a second thought.  Most of that is because man has done a miserable job marketing God.

Which is obvious when you walk into a local Christian bookstore.  Does this look like the reality around you?  I was told by a Christian publisher that Amish literature is incredibly popular in Christian bookstores right now, and I was flabbergasted.  I mean, the Amish are interesting...  I could maybe read a 150 page non-fiction investigative study of the Amish; as they are a happy lot, supposedly... but scanning the isles you will see titles like: Abram's Folly, or Jacob Have I Loved, or Barn Raisings and Buggy Rides.

Who hasn't almost died in an Opal Movano Rally Car race?

I was told if I wrote an Amish novel, there was a good chance I could get published.  Really?  REEEAAALLLYYY???  Just to be facetious, I brainstormed an idea:  It's called My Rumspringa of Rammstein.  It's about a boy who uses his year of "rebellion" to become a roadie for the German metal band Rammstein, gets beat up by a skinhead group, and nearly dies in an Opel Movano rally car race.  Remember, this is just a loose idea, I haven't hammered out all the details, because I'd never waste my time actually writing it.

If it was just the books at the bookstore, I could survive.  But Christian radio is about as watered down and vanilla as it gets.  Current worship songs, sung in a very sweet, elegant, and passionless manner are always popular.  As are white-washed versions of mainstream music.  It's always interesting when the "tame" Evanescence sounding songs come on.  The radio personalities are as exciting as the Westminster Dog Show announcers.

I often feel like these "collected hits
CDs" should be called "Meh" instead

The overwhelming feeling I get from Christian marketers, is that as a demographic, my people are tame, boring, passionless, in-adventurous, plain, clean, self-righteous people.  That's too bad, because they are missing where Jesus really is at in most of our lives.  I think many producers of Christian wares have taken the idea of wanting "clean, wholesome, entertainment" to believing that the only goods Christians intake are "clean, wholesome goods."

And I can tell you, that the majority of Christians I know, do not fit that bill.  This group I meet for lunches does not fit this mold.  While I will say they are good people, it's not because of how many "hi- diddly-ho, neighbors" they spout out in a day, but because of their works.  And most of them work in dirty industries.  One friend is a mostly retired electrician.  His co-workers are some of the most crass, crude, and ungodly men on the West Coast.  He is their only source of non-worldy inspiration.  He cannot be influential by talking about the latest Pilgrim-style Romance novel on the Christian bookshelves.  No, this electrician friend brews his own beer (a tasty beer too, and I'm not a big beer fan), and plays dirty blues rifts, and talks about physics and nano-particles.  He's incredibly intelligent, but better yet, he can listen.

They all can listen, even though they all could talk for hours, and we often do talk for hours.  The collective intelligence at the large table is substantial.  I've learned more (although I sometimes go home and fact check their wild factoids) at these lunch-ins than in whole semesters at college.  There are at least two non-practicing pastors in the group.  They talk about how the church is failing to meet people where they are right now.  How "big-box mentality and business marketing practices" have turned the church into a phony corporate system.  More interested in growing in attendance, then growing individual spiritualism in each believer's life.

They're a loud, boisterous, and filter-less group.  Sometimes people move away from our table, but on more than a few occasions, random strangers have joined in.  Some saying, "I didn't know Christians were allowed to drink beer?"

Apparently, the Christian marketers forgot that Jesus made wine out of water.  We, as a group, though, are careful not to get inebriated.  Our wild gesticulating, raucous laughter, and taboo subject discussions would probably get us 86-ed from the establishments if we let a few of the guys have a third pint.  And that's just the way I like it.  We are happy, intense souls, with wild opinions on anything from Israeli politics to how bitter an IPA should taste.

Just yesterday, while the election news was filtering in across America, we discussed the realities of sex and pornography in Christian lives.  What church has the balls to bring this up?  My parents now admit that their "hush hush" approach to sex was probably counter-productive, but isn't that what our older generations are for?  Realizing the mistakes  and successes they made so that we younger generations can learn from their experiences?  Anyways, we talked about how David talked about sex in the Bible, and how it was never looked on as a sick act, and how we as a nation, and especially Christians, are too preoccupied with who's having sex and who shouldn't be.

How the Christian market would likely deal
with sex and pornography.  

We talked about how new studies are showing that young men can no longer get aroused by their wives and girlfriends because their women can't perform the sexual acrobatics of the women they watch in dirty films.  We sat and realized that this was a new reality that not just the church but every marriage and every relationship will have to deal with.  And we won't find the solution by turning on the radio to our favorite Christian radio station: "Hello, and good morning friends, and thank you for tuning in to KGOD.  You may want to cover your children's ears, because today I want to talk to you about something a little more adult...as in adult videos..."  Yeah right.

Which makes me wonder.  There is a market out there.  A market of Real Christians.  People who go out and deal with S#!+ everyday of their lives, and often track part of it home with them.  Not all of us are pure-breed righteous, and many of us like our steak rare.  The Jesus of the New Testament was a raw revolutionary.  He touched lepers, hung out with prostitutes, tax collectors, fishermen, and exonerated career criminals.  He challenged the status quo of his day so badly, that they HAD to kill him.  THEY HAD TO.  He was such a rebel.  Go back and look at Romeo/Judeo norms of that time, and tell me that Jesus was not one of the most dangerous men of his time because of how he challenged religious minds and cultural norms.  This Jesus, was not a safe, gentle, passive man, and yet at the same time he wasn't political at all.  He met people where they were on that day, and spoke life into their dead lives.

This may look tame, but the "Messiah" washing the feet of
Peter would've been so socially unacceptable to people of
Jesus' time, that He should've been outcaste.
Statue is at Dallas Theological Seminary. 

I think it's time people who believe in Jesus in this time, to stand up to the Pharisees of Christian marketing and say, "This Mug that says WWJD no longer represents me as a believer."  I yearn for the spiritual experiences that formulated the basis of my faith.  Real, indescribable acts that said, "CHRIS YOU RATIONAL IDIOT, I AM REAL AND I'M TRYING TO SAY SOMETHING REALLY IMPORTANT TO YOU."  Those handful of moments that were so baffling and other-worldly, that I questioned them from the moment they happened until the moment they happened again.  God works in mysterious ways, but we, his followers, have tried to package Him into an Amish romance novel.  And that makes me angry.  And I think it makes God a little angry, and sad as well.

Thank God I have real Christian friends that I can shoot the breeze and vent with.  I hope you have a few in your life as well.  And if you are a non-believer and actually finished this article, I applaud you on your "open-mindedness."  I hope someday that Christians will be as open minded with love, understanding, and forgiveness as Jesus was/is.

Silly Christians, Labels are for Kids.

Ironically, I think Schlitz tastes like burnt beer.  

As I grow older, I realize more and more, that I don’t fit into boxes.  Partially because I’m fat, but partially because I’m a complex person.  I think we're all more  complex than we’ve been led to believe.  I watch beer commercials and think, “These men are Neanderthals, are we really this stupid?”  And then I look down at the micro-brew I’m drinking, and hope that these ads only apply to guys who drink the mass-marketed beers.   

And then I see these extremist Christians on television, on cable news, or during some political rally, saying really hurtful bigoted things, and I think, “What?  Are these the same people I grew up with in churches?  When did Christians get so mean?”

But appearances aren’t always reality.  The media: those egotistical talking heads and their political pundits, all need us to fit into their precious demographics, so that they can package us, bought and paid for, to a political party.  For Christians, since the time of Reagan, this package has been the Republican Party.  Overwhelmingly, most Christians that are Republicans, are so over one issue: abortion.  Some might say because of family values, or keeping the “sanctity” of marriage, but it usually comes back to outlawing abortion as priority number one to Republican Christians. 

And that’s sad.  Abortion is worse than sad.  And I understand the outrage.  But it has changed what being a Christian is all about.  The movement to outlaw abortion has eroded the core of what Christianity is: loving your neighbor as yourself.   Christianity has becoming a dwindling belief system in the U.S., especially with the youth, largely because they’ve seen the anger, hateful words, and spirit of judgmentalism that is so prevalent with the anti-abortion, anti-gay marriage sect of politicized Christians, and so little of the fruits of the spirit: love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Gal 5:22).   If the youth are good at one thing, it’s noticing hypocrisy. 

Do you think these words have ever
inspired a conversion?  

Which is why I no longer like being called a Christian.  Not with what the word means in today’s society.  I don’t like being thought of as a Republican pawn, or ill-informed moralist trying to keep “In God We Trust” on coinage, or the “Ten Commandments” in our schools.  Really?  These are the fights we “Christians” are going to tackle?  Why do I want to force religious doctrines on anyone?  Makes it sound a whole lot less like "good news," and more like force-fed news.   And it doesn’t make us look much prettier than the kind of religious legalism that controls Muslims in the Middle-East. 

I guess what I’m trying to say, is, I believe in what Jesus taught.  I grew up in the church (my dad was a minister), but those two facts didn’t make me a believer.  It took a profound spiritual act (one that is much too complicated and personal to describe here) that made me a life-long follower of Jesus.  And this personal relationship, through prayer, worship, etc. has continued from my late high school years until today.  But I’m not a very good Christian.  I fail often.  I swear sometimes.  I lose my temper.  I act spoiled.  I have many hang ups.  –But I’m learning not to judge.  I’m learning to have compassion.  I’m learning that I don’t know it all.  I’m learning that God can’t be boxed into nice political packages.  He is too glorious and perfect to be easily labeled or completely understood by mankind.  But man keeps trying to make God like us--imperfect.  So we market God as a product.  Give him catch phrases and identities that sound really cool and attractive, while wholly turning off large segments of society from ever seeing the “Real” Jesus. 

I understand why some people want to advertise their faith. But I think
 sometimes all they are advertising is their bad driving habits.   

These labels pain me.  Recently the DNC invited a young woman, Jena Nardella, with a cool ministry to do the benediction to close the day’s events.  Her prayer was beautiful and poignant, and was probably difficult in a room where certain ideologues cared nothing for the words coming out her mouth.  Then I read what many “Christians” had to say about her prayer on message boards like the Jars of Clay fan page (who work with Jena).  Posts like: I will have to agree with Jesus Christ. You can not be a Christian and stand on a platform of sin.....abortion and homosexuality.  Which quickly earned 19 “likes” by  other “Christians.”  Nice.  I’m sure Jesus loves the filth, debauchery, greed and war-mongering that the Republican party is so imbedded with.  (FWI, I currently don’t care about either political party, as I've found so little "truth" in either).  These politico-activist message board Christians are turning people off by the millions.  You can read Jars of Clay’s beautiful rebuttal to the ungodly words on their fanpage, here. 

I know we live in strange times.  I know it looks like we are headed for another World War, this one probably pitting the West vs. the Middle-East.  Some have called it a Christians vs. Muslim conflict (which I know has been raging in Africa for decades), and the fact that so many Christians feel the need to get ultra-defensive and  militarize ourselves for a coming religious war is, well, disappointing.  

Hi diddly ho neigh-
bor, hope you're
living a sin free life.

Disappointing, because there is so much work to be done on the home-front regardless of if Armageddon is near.  So many hungry to feed, so many naked to clothe, so many sick to comfort.  America is desperate for the compassion that Christ espoused.  It does not need a judging and morally superior fan base preaching “right living,” when the church itself is hardly “right living.” 

The Church has plenty of in-house business to attend to before it starts looking outside its buildings and offering criticism.  There's enough sin sitting around  in the pews that could, or should be dealt with for any number of years.  Christian marriages, like their secular counterpart, need intravenous fluids to stay alive.  Why not offer more marriage counseling to those desperate to stay married, rather than telling others outside the church that they can't get married.  Why not find the young or misguided ladies who think abortion is their only option, and give them reasons to see it differently.  Be ready to open the coffers and fund these women who see no way they can financially bring a baby into this world.  It's a messy, hard, expensive business, working with people who have made mistakes.  Nobody said the gospel was easy.  The solutions, rather than shouting judgements and condemnations, are difficult and hard to come by.

"What about people who are vegans, can they be
Christians?" "Oh no, no, no.  You must eat all of God's
creatures to appreciate his creation.  Verdict: heathens"   

Mistakenly, we've let those Pharisees get control of our faith's pulpits.  Preaching an unattractive, and in my opinion, mistaken version of our faith.  Telling us who is, and who isn’t worthy of God’s glory.  Slowly closing the door on more and more people from ever entering a church building.  And I’m tired of being lumped in with them.  There are millions of Christians who’ve rejected the idea of being political or judgmental.  Who by their works do social justice.  They hardly receive recognition, and are rarely given media coverage.  But they impact lives in the gutters, daily.  Like Jesus would’ve.  That’s the demographic I want to be associated with. One that raises people up, instead of beating people down.  

So give to Caesar, what is Caesars; but do unto others as you would have them do to you.  See if you enjoy having somebody scream political hellfire and brimstone in your face.  I seem to respond better to grace, mercy, and love…and I think a lot of faithless people would as well.     

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Discussion is encouraged.  But lets please remember to keep it civil.