Hope for the American Male? Marry Well

Apparently, I’m in the minority.  95% of men under the age of 40 have no qualms about their wife (or girlfriend) making more money than they do.  Only two generations ago, the idea of a married working woman was almost outlandish, but now, the stay-at-home wife is the new abnormal. 

And it’s a good thing.  Because the gentlemen of today aren’t growing up.  The five major milestones of adulthood: Finishing school, moving out of parent’s home, being financially independent, getting married, and having children is now only accomplished by 33% of American men under the age of 30.  Down from 65% in 1960.   Boys are in no rush to become men, if that means responsibility, as there is something almost romantic at being a Lost Boy for life.  

Which is fine and dandy for a lot of guys.  Go find yourself, YOLO it up, taste the forbidden fruit, eat like a champion, and find your own piece of Nirvana; just be aware that when you return to reality, your place in this world might smell a little like Teen Spirit.  That’s right.  While you were out trying to be a playa, filling out your binders full of women, the ladies just played you like a noob. 

Vassar girls were, and still are, hot! 

Not only are women graduating high schools with higher GPAs and with more honors, they are now graduating from college in a higher percentage and with more advanced degrees.  As if this wasn’t girl power enough, the standard bearer of all useless bravado, the IQ test, historically a male dominated amusement, has found favor with the womenfolk.  And to add insult to injury, if you’re under 30 years old, you can expect your lady to out-earn you as well. 

You’ve come a long way, baby.  And good for you.  You proved that the American ideals of hard work, perseverance, and accolades will get you ahead in this nation. The feminist movement probably never envisioned these types of successes when they were burning bras in the 1970s. 

Too bad many a woman was engulfed by
afro flames because of this ad campaign. 

And that’s not the only way America has changed.  Low level manufacturing jobs, jobs that were traditionally dominated by young men, are disappearing.  Whole graduating classes of boys don’t disappear into the bowels of a mountain to pull out coal.  Working on the same factory line as your father, stamping out Ford fenders, is a thing of the past.  Pulling resources from the earth, or seas, or mountains has been regulated to third world nations.  Jobs that require hard labor are disappearing but also deemed undesirable by the new breed of man that values his backbone and soft hands over hard earned paychecks. The best jobs out there demand specialized degrees and/or specific skills: none of which are dexterous X-Box thumbs, nunchucking virtuosity, pornographic imaginations,  Chuck Norris name-dropping acumen,  the ability to memorize entire seasons of Family Guy dialogue, fantasy football drafting talent, amateur car tuning, or Batman fan fiction drawing contest wins.  Quite frankly, we don’t have the skills to pay the bills anymore. 

Which is why the most important event in a man’s life now is the day he convinces a woman to marry him.  Basically any woman is a step up from the prowess he possesses now.  But if you can really step up and find a girl who was on honor roll throughout high school or already has a job paying 12 dollars an hour, your path to happiness is much easier.  I married way above my station.  My wife double majored in college and graduated in less than four years.  She got a career job, which she still holds today,  before she graduated from grad school.  She also had no credit card debt, and much of her schooling was paid for by grants and scholarships.  I, on the other hand, took 7 years to get my bachelors degree.  I’ve never really solidified any job that has lasted longer than a year.  Part of that is because I started my career in 2007, and there isn’t much guaranteed work out there.  But if I had buckled down, and done what my wife did, and started working in 2003, I’d be fine.  On top of that, I owe various student loan companies tens of thousands of dollars.  I don’t pull my own weight, and I’m dragging us down with crippling interest rates.  

On top of being the main bread-winner, my wife still finds a way to be the more stable parent, be the emotional and spiritual backbone of our family, does more errands, more chores, attends more events, and plans any and all memorable outings that we as a family do.  Some days I look around and think, “hell, if I didn’t know how to assemble Ikea furniture, replace the belt on the vacuum, or know the secret passwords to a few of our online bills, I could be completely irrelevant in this partnership.” 

Getting the Plutonium is always the hardest part of any Ikea build.  

That’s hyperbole, hopefully.  I’ve recognized this disparity in our marriage worth, and I’ve learned to make myself useful (Ironically, a saying I learned from my mother).  Once when my wife took a group of students to Japan for 10 days, I completely gutted and remodeled our kitchen, without her knowledge.  New cabinets, new sink, modern lighting, a better layout, new countertops, all done by myself before she returned (but I let her pick out the backsplash tiles; I’m not stupid).

Some of my handiwork.  

I’ve crawled under the house to fix dry rot in the floor boards.  I sweated it out in the attic installing a new exhaust fan.  I’ve learned to do multiple loads of laundry in a day and how to pack the dishwasher to maximize its effectiveness.  I learned how to brush my daughters’ hair in the morning, and how to make coffee the way my wife likes it.  I make dinners with chicken and curry for her,  even though I dislike chicken and think curry tastes like Avon perfume.  I have become, what my great grandfather would’ve called, a namby-pamby (not that I respect his opinions, since he did drive my great-grandma to the Vodka bottle with his heartfelt comments).  And it’s fine.  I’m okay with it.  I have a beautiful, successful, talented wife, and two lovely, funny, personality-laden children.  We have a home and two cars mostly because of her well executed planning.   We, as a family,  are a success, even if my own idea of personal success isn’t what I visualized on the playgrounds of my youth. 

But obviously I did one thing right.  So men, grab onto the dress-tails of a go-getter girl and learn to become multitalented in the art of home upkeep.  Because behind every successful women, sits a guy playing the X-box stands a guy supporting her at every step.

Now if only I could get her to like bacon.