8 Writing Habit Problems That I Need to Address

Webster's Dictionary defines a habit as:  an acquired mode of behavior...NO. I'm not going to finish the definition, because as an educator, I'm sick of articles/essays/etc. that start with a bland intro and go south from there.

But just because the above writing problem is not my own, it doesn't mean that I am innocent of any other writing ails. No, I have plenty of bad habits, and I fall prey to them (8--to be exact) quite often. Although "I'm baby steppin', I'm doin' the work, I'm not a slacker!"  

8. Overusing commas. I love 'em. I don't like short sentences. I love to let my mind wander off into the insane depths of my subconscious, yet mindful not to lose my way, I often employ lots of commas to keep me company along the journey. I've read almost the entire Hemingway cannon, you'd think I'd learn to keep my sentences compact and strong (like his build), but instead, I end up Faulkner-izing my sentences. I just have to remind myself not to become Henry James (whom I consider almost unreadable for his long-winded, comma laden, complex sentences).

7. Contractions. No, I'm not pregnant (big boned, yes), rather, I believe in brevity. (But you just said you loved long complex sentences--that seems like a contradiction) {I'm talking about contractions right now, not contradictions, please keep up internal audience dissenter}. For those playing the Plumbeddown contraction drinking game, you should've had 11 drinks already. That's right. I haven't even written 400 words and now we're at 14 contractions, and they're getting closer together. This baby's coming whether you're ready or not. If this was a formal blog; if I was trying to impress a potential employer or fellow English teacher with my uppity prose, I would not attempt contractions. But until I get PAID for this blog, it will remain INFORMAL--just like how I prefer to dress--without a tie.

6. Style guide confusion. I started as a journalism major, which means I usually harken back to the the AP style guide. But I later decided to become a history major, which made me switch to the Chicago style. Then I became an English minor, so back to the high school MLA style, finishing with my masters in Education (which uses the APA). Needless to say, when citing, I've almost given up. Notice there is no citation for the What About Bob? quote from above. Some quotes are so familiar, like "I love the smell of Napalm in the morning," I feel they no longer need citation.

I will say, converting to internet HTML language is probably the toughest transition. I still hit the space bar twice after every sentence (computee no likee). And no indent for a new paragraph? It feels dirty.

5. Pauses and Interjections. When to use a hyphen, a semicolon (which some people won't touch), an ellipses, or parentheses always puts me in a quandary. I've learned the rules, and still get confused. Some of my grammatically superior friends probably feel a sense of pride when I use one wrong. I'm glad I have given them a purpose in life.

4. Passive Voice. I see it too.  I just used it in number 7 (still think it looks better the way I wrote it then switching to "I'm glad I gave them a purpose"). I had an English teacher basically scream it, "NEVER, EVER, EVER, USE PASSIVE VOICE." Well, Mr. Bumstead, I have to say, you were right. It usually looks and reads ugly. Yet there are times, I not only use it, I prefer it. Call me passively aggressive, or overly verbose, but I just have to use passive voice. 

3. Mixed Metaphors. Writing to your target audience is like lovemaking, it's better when both parties understand what's going on. I realize that was a simile, but I was metaphorically trying to say something deeper. Maybe I'm digging myself into a hole. I'm in too deep to start over now. Wait, those were idioms. What is this paragraph about again? I seem to have mixed my own metaphors up. I hope this paragraph was better for you than it was for me.

2. Starting sentences with AND or BUT.  If you want another good drinking game, go back and count how many sentences I start with either of these conjunctions. I know, even my teachers harped on this grammatical law in the 80s & 90s. But they didn't write (they drank: probably because of my writing). And I think and or but works more often than not. It's my party and I can conjunction however I want to.  Sometimes I feel like I get to these junctions in my writing, and I have to place the perfectly right functional conjunction.  (Wasn't that a weak way of linking a Schoolhouse Rock video?). Plus, there are only so many howevers, therefores, and moreovers, that a person can take unless they own a monocle and a tobacco pipe. Those Masterpiece Theatre people love moreovers.

1. Generic Singular Pronoun Misuse. Guilty, like capitol offense guilty. I hate adding "he or she" to the end of sentence when I don't know the gender. It's awkward and looks silly to me. I usually try to rewrite a sentence when confronted with this problem, but it's often unavoidable. Example: "Whoever is responsible for writing "Mr. Plumb is a fruit" on this desk, I want them to grab a bottle of cleaner and clean it right now!" Of course, "them" implies that there is more than one guilty party. I should've said him or her. Only, as a teacher, I know it's not a girl who wrote it. Well, 98% sure. Anyway, we need a new pronoun. Some have suggested "they." DUMB. I vote for my word: OMAN. Half man, half woman. Gender neutral. Plus, the country of Oman never comes up in daily conversation in the U.S., so it really isn't rivaling an existing word. Example: "If anyone wants extra credit, oman should refute Bobby who thinks I'll look like Mr. Prune in three years."

So, you've read my blogs. What else do I need to work on? Maybe using quotation marks around words that don't need them (like air quotes)? Should I invent a sarcasm font?

What are your writing hang-ups or pet peeves?