It's a Man's World (That Just Happens to be Controlled by Women).

Hey, it's a me, Mario Chris, back for a few days.

Oh Tim. I do miss your dumb show.  
My second assignment this week for the No Ma'am Blog Symposium, is to write what I still don't understand about women. You see this whole week is supposed to be about MAN issues, but nearly every male issue is really just subconscious issues of dealing with the fairer sex. What male sitcom (Think Home Improvement, or Married With Children) or comedian (Jerry Seinfeld: she eats her peas one at a time?) hasn't tackled the age old subject of, "What is up with women?"

Well, it's a tired routine, and most of the comedians playing this bit probably felt like they dumbed themselves down to reach that really base level of man. That 80 IQ level guy who is too dumb to realize that his lady doesn't like it when he farts on purpose during her bookclub meeting.

Well, this is a reading forum and not TV, so I don't need to tailor my writing towards that demographic of man, as he is too dumb to get past the use of "symposium" in the second paragraph. Good, we don't need him as he wouldn't understand the context of where I'm going.

What I really want to know from women is: Why are you still trying so hard?

If you're under 40, you are probably more educated than your spouse; you also probably work more hours, make more money, get more benefits, and have a better credit score than all the guys you know.

The gender wars are over, and you won. Sure we haven't had a female president yet, but it will happen in this half of the century. As will the balancing of pay scales, and women in top CEO positions. It's only a matter of time before women will not only equally control the American landscape, but have a majority of the influence.

So why does every women I know continue to try to outdo every other woman who has lived before? Like the preggo crowd: Is there some kind of unwritten law that states that you can't just be excited about being pregnant, but have to read 100 books by community college professors about the newest fad methods of child-rearing? Almost every woman I know who gets pregnant looks stressed out. Not because of the physical stress of being heavier and achier, but because there is some unwritten pressure to produce the most perfect human specimen of baby ever born. Look out Jesus, the Millennials are expecting, and those unborn babies will be so flawless they won't lose their tempers when they find merchants selling goods in the Temple.

Of course, many of these children will turn out rotten. Their lives are/will be micromanaged by moms who do EVERYTHING.  Moms who show up to EVERY soccer game and EVERY PTA meeting, even after working eight hours that day. Moms who make lactose-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, vegan whole wheat pasta lasagna after the soccer game. Moms who clean the whole house with chemical free cleaners and then find time to do a vigorous work out on the same day. I'm exhausted just thinking about what some moms do on an everyday basis.

Can't have it all?  But we can try, right ladies?  

WHO ARE YOU TRYING TO IMPRESS? Your husbands and boyfriends are/were sitting on the couch the whole damn time you were doing these Wonder Woman-ish feats. Surely he knows he doesn't deserve you. So you aren't trying to impress him?

At work, it's always the women signing up for extra volunteer work and additional duties. "Well, I'm already running the craft-club, the young writers group, the chess club, the teen mom support group, the prom coordinator, and FFOA advisor, but yeah...I think I have a few hours a month to devote to abandoned ferrets at the community shelter."

Chewy and Leia had a love child.  
NO! No you don't! Why can't women just say NO. This is a theory, but I think women feel bad when nobody shows up or signs up for an event (or club-group), so they go out of empathy. When nobody shows up for an event, a guy will say, "Whelp,  I guess nobody needs a back hair anonymous support group,  I guess we can shut this idea down." Yet women will rally up support, just in case, someday, somebody, maybe Chewbacca, might show up.

Guys don't care. We like our time. We like our down time. That's why fewer men deal with anxiety. We don't stress out when all the details don't work out. We don't care about the details. We care about the big picture. Did it work? Yes or no. We don't care if it was Pinterest worthy.

Stop trying so damn hard, women. You already won. Cool off, and enjoy life every once in a while. Otherwise you'll beat us guys to another milestone we currently dominate: death; and that would suck, because our homes would fall apart without you .

Remember to go check out my No Ma'am Blog Symposium compadre, Michael, at The Moral of the Story Is.  


  1. Ah yes, the complex social systems dictating perfection in womanhood...not only must we be goddesses in the kitchen, but we must do so with rock-hard abs and nurturing devotion. This pressure comes from a lot of places - and maybe it doesn't come from you, but it does come from both men and women, as well as the media.
    I dream for the day when the social and political landscape is evened out between genders.
    It is true that women must exceed men in workplace performance to be respected (I can't tell you how many times I've been called "honey" and have been condescended to because of my gender...not to mention the pay inequity and inappropriate questions about when I'm going to be having children so that I can be replaced, etc.).
    But I do agree that women push themselves too hard. Were I a stronger individual, I'd just say "f--- this shizz" and live how I want. I'm trying, but even I'm not immune to the pressure-cooker of social conditioning.

    1. I'm sure there are still markets and niches that men control...but they are reducing by the day. As is the idea that women must sign up for extra duties to equal their male counterpart.

      Much of this drive for perfection, however, I feel, is from women themselves. They look around and see other women "doing it all" and they think they can do that too. But that doesn't equate happiness.

  2. The statement "What I still don't understand about women" seems to imply that there is something is something about them that you do understand, which is obviously not true. We men know nothing about the opposite sex. That's why they are winning.

    1. Yes, true, however, I think they are winning because they are trying harder as well. Every women I know tries about 20% harder than the guys around them.

  3. I have often thought that I am performing to gain the acceptance of other women. The times that my house is spotless is because I am expecting to entertain someone who keeps her house immaculate. I purposely don't make sure it's spotless when a friend is coming who doesn't worry over keeping a perfect house. I dress nice, I tell myself it's for me, but really, it's probably so that I won't be the worst dressed. I struggled greatly when I was a stay at home mom because I identify so much of who I am with someone who exceeds, not just succeeds, at her job. It's like an evil spiral of one-up-manship.