There ought to be a time of year where we say "sorry," to all the people we've offended over the previous 365 days. We could call it Losiento Day, or Mae Culpa Week, or Reconciliation Eve, or for the really bad: Reparation/Restitution Day (The Germans probably wouldn't participate in this holiday).
Maybe you don't need this holiday. Maybe you apologize immediately or maybe you are flawless and never need to apologize...it must be nice being you.
Me, on the other hand? I have to devote a whole blog to it. So, to all the groups, and people, and inanimate objects I've offended this year, here's the moment you've been waiting for.
* To the Paul Walker fan club: I'm sorry. I didn't want to call his accidental death a tragedy (since that word should be reserved for horrors like Sandy Hook or the Typhoon Haiyan), but I should've stopped short of calling his acting "less
than average." Apparently he could act, I just didn't notice it. He was a good man outside of his films (and for that I had no business making any value judgement on his life). I'm sorry.
* To the people with newborns. I said I love your babies but I don't want your babies. I like holding them for eight minutes, but then I want to give them back. Some of you interpreted this as a sign that I don't like babies. I'm not Cruella de Vil, I'm just done with the baby phase of my life, thank you very much. To the mommies, and the one dad, I'm sorry.
* For my much tongue-in-cheek Ginchy Christmas blog. I would never do any of those things, I'm not Satan. My tree was up the day after Thanksgiving for goodness sake. I'm sorry.
* To all my teacher friends who love the Common Core, grading for success, and overhauling education for the sake of saying we "are doing something." I'm not sorry.
* To all the spammer blog commenters for whom I must continually delete your asinine illegible ramblings. I'm sorry I said you were from India. Apparently you come from all corners of the world in which two months of English language classes is the maximum needed to obtain "mastery" of our complex language. Sorry India.
* Cosplay, larpers, furry enactors, etc. I took a subject I had no real understanding of, and stereotyped you all as nerds. I'm sorry. Nerds. (I'm sorry for calling you nerds). (In the sake of full nerd disclosure, I do collect (and label) Star Wars Lego minifigs).
* For admitting I once shot a cat with my BB gun (with one pump, which is the equivalent of bonking a kid on the head with the cardboard cylinder inside a paper towel roll). Yet where is the outrage for the "Humane" society which rounds up these ferrel cats and euthanizes them? For misdemeanor animal abuse, I'm sorry.
* To all the people who love the hipster-chic Whitaker Area in Eugene. I visited your street fair au naturale and hated it, and then ripped you all apart. I should stick to my normal routine of going to Costco on Saturday and getting cut off in the parking lot by upper-middle class yuppies. I'm sorry hipster kids.
* To the Millennial generation: I'm been down (and harsh) on you because I educated many of you when you were young and impressionable. My hope is someday you will put your phones/video games away, and familiarize yourself with empathetic human interaction again. Many of you are incredibly neat people who are bitter with the economy and world outlook once you entered the real world. Yes, it sucks. But at least you weren't drafted into the Vietnam War. Just saying. Sorry for unfairly criticizing you.
* To the church and organized religion. As a person whose faith is essential to who I am, I'm sorry I expect so much from the institutions and people who represent my God. I'm sorry that the media, social media, and world powers seem stacked against you (organized religion), and in your defensive manor, you lash out in self-righteous anger. I'm sorry that God said in John 15: 18"If the world hates you, you know that it has hated Me before it hated you. 19"If you were of the world, the world would love its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, because of this the world hates you. My advice to the church and Christian leaders? GET OUT OF POLITICS. Their is no political party that fully encapsulates Jesus' ideals. Get back to doing the Lord's work, and let Caesar have what is Caesar's. So I'm sorry you won't get what you want on this earth, but that was never promised.
* To the slow accelerating drivers of gas guzzlers and gas misers: I'm sorry I linked you to a political party, and I'm sorry I insulted your vehicle's integrity.
Remember I've written well over 100,000 mostly stupid words in the last year. It's hard to please everybody. I hope you realize that at the end of the day, none of these issues matter very much to me (I'm mostly just being facetious). I'm trying to create dialogue. The more we talk about issues, the more we are able to empathize with people we deemed "wrong," in the first place, and see them in the light, or right. Plus, we need to learn how to laugh at our opinions. They don't define us like our character does. And when we do "wrong" somebody, learn how to say "I'm sorry," and mean it...which is something I'm still trying to learn how to do.
Hey, if you've gotta apologize for something, it's a sign you've made it, right?
ReplyDeleteI like that you care enough about people's feelings to apologize, even if I agree with most everything you've said this past year. And that paragraph on religion and politics? I need to memorize that to tell my right wing relatives, who during Thanksgiving actually wished for assassination this year. I had a hard time keeping my mouth shut on that one, but I managed. It really didn't appear to be very Christian attitude...
Christians and politics are increasingly annoying me. Love my Christian brothers and sisters in Christ, but as soon as they start trying to pigeon-hole God into a political party, I get offended on behalf of Christ.
DeleteWow, you said all those things? Thanks for reminding me to get mad all over again. HAHA just kidding of course!
ReplyDeleteBut now you'll have to apologize to the Germans, the flawless people, Satan, the Humane Society, Costco Yuppies, and people who take their opinions too seriously.
Yeah, when you look at it that way, I might have offended more people than I apologized to.
DeleteOh man, I'm glad I did A&A this week before I read this. It turns out we thought the same way on the Paul Walker deal. That's scary man.
ReplyDeleteYou're a better person than me, I don't apologize for stuff if it's true.
Wow, just read your version of the Paul Walker thing. Wow, great minds think alike.
DeleteI'm impressed with your 100,000 words. Good job! I have enjoyed your blog immensly this year. It's one of the only ones I look forward to reading. Thanks for being honest and entertaining. No apologies necessary. =)
ReplyDeleteThank you. Much appreciated. (although I do wish that 100K was towards another book).
DeleteWell that should do it, eh. Your "apologies" are as much fun as your blog. Your talent is to tell it as it is or just tell it as it is. There is no greater treasure than an honest human being. Have a lovely holiday, Mr. Chris, as we say down here in the South. Cheers
ReplyDeleteThanks. I do try and be somewhat courteous to the opposite side of my argument, however, some topics are tough for me to swallow. Thanks for reading.
DeleteI remember many of those posts. I got a kick out of this one. And yes...I'm glad you wouldn't actually do any of the "Grinchy" things. It was a hilarious read, though.
ReplyDeleteYour common core bullet!!!! Bwahahahaha!!
ReplyDeleteAlso, as much as I wish I was a flawless human being, I'm not. So I want to apologize to you. I haven't commented or visited as regularly as I used to. I still love your blog, and come back here as soon as I have a free moment. Sorry for being so absent.
Oh...I'm guessing my other comment got submitted earlier. Just noticed this approval thingy...I just assumed the internet ate my previous comment, 'cause it likes to do that to me. Feel free to just approve one, or both, or neither. :)
ReplyDelete