Breaking Up Is Hard to Do: Talking to the Walls

Get up.  

No.

GET UP!

I don't want to.  Not today. not ever.  

Laying in bed will not make the pain go away.  

Yeah, well what do you want me to do, call a therapist? Like I'm going to do that. Like I have money for that. Like I want some frigid horn-rimmed glasses and scarf wearing b!tch try to make me cry.  

Maybe you should cry.  

Maybe you should go away. 

I can't. I'm committed to you.  

Yeah, well obviously commitment isn't my forte. I don't want to talk right now. 

Your mind is doing plenty of talking.  

Well make that go away as well.  I just want to sleep. 

No you don't.  

Yeah, well then tell me, genius, what do I want to do?

You want the pain to go away.  

OF COURSE I DO! Thanks Einstein. 

It's not me you're mad at. 

I know that, of course I know that.  

She's not going to give you any answers, you know. 

How do you know that? People don't just do that. People don't just purposely try and hurt others.

You don't know people like I do.  

Why? What did I ever do to her? We have a history. You could chart our lives on an astrological chart. Planets have circled the sun, seasons have come and gone, and we've weathered every moon. So why now?  

Time. Because it was time. 

What? What kind of answer is that?  

Enough. You've both had enough?  

Who are you to say that? What do you mean by that? 

Don't you think I have your best interests in mind? 

I don't know. Sometimes I think yes, sometimes I think no. Sometimes I don't like you.  

Yeah, I could say the same about you, but that whole unconditional thing...

Yeah, yeah, yeah...

I'm telling you to walk away. It's over. You're a good man. You don't need this. There's someone else; eventually. 

Eventually? (Sarcastically) Thanks. I needed that.

You do need that. It's hope. Something you've always believed in. You had hope for her. But it wasn't to be.  

Why? 

You'll figure it out. Eventually.  

You act like I'm not dying here. You act like this pang in my lungs isn't swelling with each breath. You know so much, but you have no idea what I'm going through right now. How dare you tell me, "eventually."  I need to know why this is happening to me.  

I do know your pain. I feel it right along with you. I, too, have felt the spear pierce my side. Time. You just need time. And eventually you will see what it was all about.  

I DON'T HAVE TIME!  

You're young. You have all the time in the world. 

I need to know. I'm calling her.  

I'm telling you, no good can come from it. She isn't herself right now. And you guys aren't a thing anymore. You won't like what she has to say. She's in a different orbit now.  

Shut up. I need to hear what she has to say. We, we...

There is no "we" anymore.  

I'm still calling her. 

-------------------------------------------

So...aren't you going to say, "I told you so." 

No, I know what she said. I tried to warn you, because I love you. Nobody should have to hear those words.    

How...how could she say those things? It wasn't just mean. She was toxic. Her words were laced with razors. She cut everywhere I was vulnerable and than spit in my wounds. It's like we never had one good moment together. Crying wasn't enough...I think she wanted to kill me from the inside.  

Yes. She might have tried. Her whole life has been about hurting. She was hurt so young and often that she doesn't know when to stop defending. Sometimes the best defense is a good offense.  So she offends you and you go away.  And maybe she, too, can stop hurting.  

How could I ever have been with someone like that? Why did you allow it?  

Time. I have all the time in the world, and so do you guys. She will need more time. But some day she will realize that there was some good there. You both brought more light than darkness into each other.  

Do we ever patch it up? Can we ever talk about the light.  Is there ever forgiveness? 

Forgiveness, yes, eventually, if you're big enough.  But for the other questions? No. It is finished. Tetelestai.  

Oh God, it hurts! What can I do to make this pain go away. How can I care so much, love so much, and then just wake up and pretend it didn't happen?

Don't ignore it. Embrace it. Pain isn't bad. Pain and emotion can bring out the best or the worst in us.  

I don't want to talk about it anymore. I have to get out of this house. The walls are creeping in, or I'm expanding, or I'm losing my mind. I'm talking to myself, like a crazy person.  

Are you?  

Crazy? I hope not. 

No. Talking to yourself.  

I don't know. I'm going to take off, okay?  

Yeah, yeah.  Hey, it was good talking. It doesn't take a traumatic break-up to do some talking, you know...

Yeah. yeah, whatever.  

Hey, be careful out there. I know you're still hurting...just...don't hurt anyone else...okay? 

Sure...yeah...whatever you say.